I found this in a variety of journals from over the years. This first writing was from 2016, when I was with my ex, the person who should have been my life person.

The next is 2-3 years later, with my now husband. We were a few months into our relationship.

The fact that I have spent so much time putting this man’s happiness above mine is outrageous. Even my oldest kid recognizes this. He made me a “device” out of paper. It’s to push a button and feel happier when “daddy is around.”

They deserve to see me happy. They deserve to know what self love and joy looks like in their mom. These old journal entries are inspiring me more, to get out sooner. It’s insane to look at the before and during. Before I was happy and grateful. During I’m writing about how anxious and depressed I am. How did I not see this sooner?